Possibly overcommitted

Note: Do not do three shows at once.

Treehouse takes up plenty of time even when we aren't rehearsing on Sundays. Reedy River is going to be fairly bad and you knew that up front so why did you say yes to auditioning and then get sucked into the show and then further into the production team? Stupid. Must learn to say no. Now The 39 Steps. Yes you wanted to do this one a lot and were really hoping to get Clown 1 and it's a full month after RR performs that this is one but now they are adding in extra rehearsals and your life is already crammed full. Something's gotta give sometime soon and what if it is Gavin?

Shape up!

To the skies, sisters!

It seems that I must write down my thoughts and feelings about this weekend to properly process it all.

Red Sisters, Black Skies
It's funny how different but no less affecting my experience of this game was to other players. As the captain I deliberately kept myself aloof from everyone including my own section. I would walk through the base fretting about keeping our planes in the sky with so few resources and hear the others singing happy birthday to their comrades or scratching up a soccer game to keep their spirits up. I tore strips off Section C commander, R for allowing her section to take so much risks that they crashed a plan and nearly killed two of their best and secretly applauded her for inspiring Section C to carry on and complete all their missions without a full compliment of aircraft. I arranged missions and repairs, flew into the night, delivered good news and bad but I was never fully one of them. Still I ended up with tears streaming down my cheeks as I welcomed them all at the end of the game, I felt tied to their fates and responsible for their lives. I've been thinking about the game a lot over the last two day and I know it was the best LARP I have ever played in. I rarely experience bleed, something I attribute to my theatre background but I cannot stop considering what I might have done differently so that Section C weren't down a plane, so that my heartbreaking. brilliant and brave women didn't have to take to the skies during daylight, so that Regina wasn't lost, so that my Senior Lieutenants would never be burdens with the list of names I kept in my top drawer... To be honest I'm still thinking about it now.

I desperately want the game to run again and I want to die earlier. The interactions I had with players after my death when you are only a memory and can't directly answer questions only respond with a "scene" still play in my head. I  want more time with that mechanic and I want to know how the game would go if the situation got more darker and desperate and haunted. 

The Fall of House Atreus. 
GREEK TRAGEDY! I love it. Staring into Elektra's eyes not knowing if she still loved me, if she forgave me for marrying her sister and going to the front lines but desperately hoping she'd ask me for something, anything that I could do for her, anything that would keep us close for one moment more and being crushed when she asked for my sanity. Well really for Andromache who was helping me keep my sanity with haunting of my father Achilles getting worse everyday but you know in general still my sanity. But how could I refuse her?  So tragic, so tingly! Still I was determined to make my wife happy and so had decided that with my... issues I would encourage her to take a lover or perhaps because GREEK TRAGEDY I could trick her into sleeping with a man she thought was me and so she could be fulfilled with children and happiness in this way. Perhaps my old friends Orestes or Aegisthus could be so persuaded. That was the plan until I arrived home and my lovely wife began begging me to be more like Orestes and my dour Father-in-Law began demanding that I please her. Wasn't it enough that I was the manliest of men? Wasn't it enough that I lead my father's Myrmidons to countless victories? Wasn't it enough that I couldn't have the women I loved? When could I ever have what I wanted? When could I ever be whom I wanted?! But how could I betray that family that raised me? The man who avenged my Father's shade (probably)? Electra would never forgive me if I ruined her sister by putting her aside! So tragic, so tingly! Gods! And when the GMs start circling you as the ghost of Achilles when you are trying to have a pleasant conversation with your Mother-in-law...

Such a good game. I had a wonderful time playing with everyone, being manipulated and learning to do it myself, (At one point after I'd agreed to kill Menelaus, I was conversing with him and when I told him of something that could make his lady wife happy he asked me to do whatever I could, poor man couldn't know that he'd given me his permission to kill him!) and finally in the end somehow still a man and still trapped and still tragically alone. Brilliance! The fact that I keep replaying some of the conversations from this game and being thrilled by them is a total testament to the GMs and players.

I played other games this weekend and enjoyed myself in all of them but these two have really stayed with me.

Everyone's got their strengths

Our leading man got stuck at work last night so Clown 2 and I were on our own with management. It was actually great. We had so much blocking to just work through on stage so the director could see how it was going to play out and I think we made good progress with our final scenes. I'm not yet completely happy with all my characters. I need to delve into the physicality of each a little more and give them even more distinct voices.

There is an very elderly character that we've decided to do without teeth. I can clearly remember how Granny use to push her tongue against her slack lower lip as she got older and became less patient with her dentures. So I'm remembering her a lot today and missing her. I don't normally do that. Gran didn't enjoy life and especially not her last years when she was forced to interact with so many people and so little in control on her own body and daily life. That being the case I don't like to think about her at that time even though it's probably the most of Gran that I can remember.  I tend to forget things after a while. I think it must be a consequence of being an in-the-moment type person.

We keep trying out the parts during rehearsal. Clown 2 wanted to be the bad guy and her German accent is better so I was happy enough even if it means I loose my glorious compere part. I was even more happy to realise that I don't have to run through three characters in that scene in that case! So best of luck to Clown 2 with sprinting through three costume changes in 3 minutes every night for a month *cackles*

Paint it red

Bled through a skirt yesterday. Didn't really feel humiliated or anything. Felt defiant mostly? I mean it's a lady problem that happens to us all. It's not dirty and sometimes it can't be helped. I cleaned myself and the chair and changed my clothes and then continued on with my day.  Mind you this period is also a week early which is odd for me. It hit during Pheno and thank goodness during a LARP so I was on my feet and the blood couldn't pool anywhere and ruin my white Russian outfit. It does mean that we still aren't pregnant. Maybe I'd be less upset by that if my periods didn't come with such excruciating pain that I was crying as we drove to find a chemist or perhaps I'd still be as upset.

I really want kids. Not babies necessarily but children to raise, love and mold. I mean I love babies don't get me wrong, playing with other peoples is fun but I've never been sure I want to squeeze one out personally. Still with the law as it stands having our own is the only way to guarantee I get to raise, love and mold the tiny ones forever. I'm getting older and every time I bleed I remember that. Husband would be such a great father. He's got so much love to give and likes nothing more than to look after me and share things with people. He's patient and kind and our kids would be so polite and creative if they took after him. 

So today I'm back on the Optifast because the Doctor won't even look at my fertility til I'm not obese.  Guess we will see how it does. 

Memories from Storm 2017

Being handed the award by the Fall of House Atreus GM who whispers "You were so good"

Ours is the last plane home and the GM narrates a landing that mirrors the C Section crash from the first night out. Only we land smooth and safe cause we are undamaged and there is a shout of joy from the assembled squad. "Captain could land a log!" Yulia* shouts before tackling me in a hug. Vodka is offered and it feels for a moment like I am one of them, not responsible for their very lives, not worn down by an unwinnable battle for recognition and supplies but merely one of the girls. I feel young. 

Being pulled aside by assistant GM for Red Sisters who wanted to express his admiration for my Captain. You see they were aiming for a high body count - 50% he said -  but the first session's squad had only 3 deaths so for our session they'd upped the difficulty on all missions and taken away the extra planes and supplies.  He just wanted to let me know that we had less and did better and that he attributed that to my Captains leadership and skills. 

The GM sinking his head into his hands while Husband beamed "I'm sure he's somebody's reason to masturbate" - picture of Max Shrek in Nosferatu. Tina's unmitigated delight in shoving a silver golf club into a werewolf and sprinting down the ballroom to fight off an army for France! Climbing the balcony with the princess in my arms, getting slapped back to normal after witnessing my father being killed in front of me. 

Pacing alongside Agamemnon (Dan) expounding on my unhappy jealousy of Orestes and having him say that it made him feel much better to hear of it. 

The delight taken by the player of Clytemnestra** at manipulating me and us both coming out on top and single regardless of every scheme. 

The happy waves exchanged with the 'Sydney Witches'  as we realised we were in another freeform together and were glad of it. 

The warm glow of husbands approval of our trophy haul. I love that he loves that I love this as he does. Having our own after party in the car on the drive back, hashing out his next musketeers game. 

*Louise - must find her on Facebook. She is a Sydney Witch.

** must learn her name. She is another Witch. Must lure them all to SydCon!