Paint it red

Bled through a skirt yesterday. Didn't really feel humiliated or anything. Felt defiant mostly? I mean it's a lady problem that happens to us all. It's not dirty and sometimes it can't be helped. I cleaned myself and the chair and changed my clothes and then continued on with my day.  Mind you this period is also a week early which is odd for me. It hit during Pheno and thank goodness during a LARP so I was on my feet and the blood couldn't pool anywhere and ruin my white Russian outfit. It does mean that we still aren't pregnant. Maybe I'd be less upset by that if my periods didn't come with such excruciating pain that I was crying as we drove to find a chemist or perhaps I'd still be as upset.

I really want kids. Not babies necessarily but children to raise, love and mold. I mean I love babies don't get me wrong, playing with other peoples is fun but I've never been sure I want to squeeze one out personally. Still with the law as it stands having our own is the only way to guarantee I get to raise, love and mold the tiny ones forever. I'm getting older and every time I bleed I remember that. Husband would be such a great father. He's got so much love to give and likes nothing more than to look after me and share things with people. He's patient and kind and our kids would be so polite and creative if they took after him. 

So today I'm back on the Optifast because the Doctor won't even look at my fertility til I'm not obese.  Guess we will see how it does.